SHE LIVES!

I'm a bit behind in updating my blog.

I am also a bit behind on getting healthy.

I have not made great strides in the quest to become a better, healthier me.  I am actually quite backslidden.  I've decided to give myself grace and not hate.  I'm so tempted to hate, but I'm not going there. 

But if I did decide to hate on myself a little, I would probably point out that it is midway through the month of October and I have lost a measly two pounds because I am not being consistent in my eating plan and I have no discipline when it comes to exercise.

It's a good thing I'm not going there.

So yes, although I am living, I'm not living abundantly right now (unless the abundance is measured in girth).  A new week approaches and I am resolved to do better...

or delete this blog.

Sweet Dreams are Made of These... This? What the heck are you singing Annie?

These or this - what say you?  Don't know what I'm talking about?  I'll tell you in a minute.

So the other night I had a dream.

What?  Did you just groan?  Yeah, I know how annoying it is to sit through a monologue of someone telling you how, during their quest for a full eight hours of ZZZZZs, they were throwing cheese at a clown named Slappy who kept yelling "She's the one who caused Global Warming!"

Just suffer a moment, will you?

I dreamed that I came across tables and tables of awesome vintage junk that had been cleaned out of an old house.  I wasn't sure if the things were set up for a yard sale (duh) or if they were going to be hauled off.  I went home and began changing into black clothes.  I was going to go back and take the fabulous green depression glass pitcher that I saw, just in case it was going to be thrown away.

In other words, I was wearing my 'robber' clothes and acting shifty.

Then I woke up having to pee (ah this post is just FULL of stuff you could care less about knowing) so I stumbled my way to the bathroom.

Now what's weird is when I fell back asleep, my mind resumed the dream, only this time, I was actually at the sale looking for the green depression glass items that I wanted.  When I found them, they were way overpriced and I couldn't afford the cost.

The End.

Not quite.

I analyzed the dream myself and it's obvious what it is about (besides the fact that I have an inner delinquent).  I am a private eater.  I like nothing more than to stay up and nosh at night after my family has gone to bed.  If anyone gets up and finds me snacking, I get really annoyed.  Sneaky eating has always been a problem for me from way back in my childhood.  When I fell asleep again only to realize I couldn't buy what I had initially had my eye on showed me that I can't afford to be covetous of food anymore.  My sneaky nocturnal behavior is just as wrong as stealing a piece of depression glass in the cover of night.

So yeah, it sounds like I am working 24/7 toward making positive changes in my life.

 Now... these or this?  You be the judge.

October's moment of truth... and some thoughts.

My weight this morning was 181.4 with a month's loss of 11.6 pounds (16.6 total). Here are the new "Headless Dieter" body shots...

I can only see a slight difference in the photos but there is a noticeable difference in the fit of my clothes.  I am solidly wearing a size 14 pants and XL to 1X shirt.  Double Xs are too baggy and have been relegated to a corner of my closet hence to be known as the "OLD Fat Clothes".... I am currently wearing the NEW Fat Clothes.

I think an almost 12 pound weight loss in a month is great but I know, with all my heart, I could do better in my pursuit of health.  I haven't incorporated exercise into my daily life yet although I have moved around a lot more this month.  I have made better food choices but the over powering urge to graze in the kitchen at night is still very much there.  Overall, my thoughts are, "I'm happy with my success but ready to make some more changes."

Have a wonderful weekend Y'all!

5... 4.... 3.... 2.... 1..... HAPPY NEW ME!

Someone mentioned recently that you shouldn't make New Year's Resolutions. They claimed that it was a vow before God and most people don't keep their resolutions. So, in their opinion, a broken resolution equals a  broken a vow with God.

Hooey.

Or um, that is their prerogative however my prerogative about their prerogative is "Hooey."

Or simply, I disagree (with that hooey).

To each his own, though. *Aaah aaah aahh CH-HOOEY* Excuse me.

But seriously, I think that is reading just a liiiiiiittle too much into a fun tradition. Aren't we supposed to desire to make positive changes in our life? I do feel that ultimately, I can only truly accomplish real change through the Lord working in my life, but thinking and planning and making personal goals (or resolutions) is not setting myself up to dishonor God. It is in a way, stating the desires of my heart of who I want to be. I accept that it may differ from who God wants me to be and I'll defer to Him.

'Nuff said on the subject of not making resolutions (which was hooey).

Now, on to making resolutions... if this were the first day of the new year, my resolutions would be as follows...

1) *this one is HUGE* I need to take more time to read my Bible and pray.

2) *this is a biggie* I need to continue to make changes with my health. I have to lose this weight or install a winch in my home to haul me out of bed or off the couch. If I give up, a winch is the next logical step.

3) CLEAN and ORGANIZE my home. I wish I could get the place so clean that I could rename my blog "Poor Man's Martha Stewart."

I guess that's about it, unless you add "Do timely and current blog posts instead of writing about something 9 months after it's relevance."

Yeah, add that one to the list too.

EEEWWWW!

There are a couple of things that get to me that seem to not bother others.

It goes beyond hand washing after a trip to the bathroom (although, failing to wash hands is the quickest way to turn me green).

*Just a note... I was not fanatical about hand washing until I married My Fella. I washed my hands, just not as much as he did. Since I wasn't raised with a 'sense of urgency' about keeping my paws clean, it makes me wonder about my brother. Did he learn to wash after he *ahem* shook off... or worse?? And how do you broach this topic of conversation with some one? Should I wait til he leaves the bathroom and interrogate him or just continue to not share chips right out of the bag with him?  Wait, I'm not eating chips anymore so *whew* nothing to worry about.

Here are a few of the things that I can't do that some people find quite natural...

~ I cannot eat food from a baby or toddler's hand.

I remember watching my Aunt eat something from my toddler-sized daughter's hand and thinking "How does she do that? This is my kid and I can't eat from her grimy little hand, so how can she?" I felt guilty! I can't help it though... food that has been pulverized in the grip of a toddler and then offered to me for consumption is icky. I respond with my kindest "No thanks Sweetie, you eat it."

And then I run away.

~ I cannot accept doggie sugar.

I like dogs but I don't want them to lick me in the face.

~ Along the same lines, if I pet an animal - mine or other - I have to wash my hands.

I have a sister. She's a real bit... naah, I'm not going there. She is my mother's baby....




I love Sam, I really do. She adores her family, big sister included, and she wants to be petted a lot. Often, when she comes to me for affection, I have just washed my hands. I pet her anyway and go wash them again. Repeat 236 times per visit to my parents house. I know they wonder why I feel like I have to wash my hands just because I rubbed my sister behind the ears.

~ "Smell this."

I have never automatically complied with this command. Don't put a jug of milk, a package of chicken, or a perfumed wrist up to my nose. I don't WANT to smell it!

~ "Taste this."

Same thing, I don't take chances with putting potentially disgusting things in my mouth. I will have to know what it is, what is in it, and possibly who prepared it before I sample random food.

So am I alone? Are there things that gross you out that don't seem to bother others? Do tell...

Thank you Raquel Welch... just... thanks.

Raquel Welch was on the television in the kitchen (I was in the den but I could hear her voice) discussing her new book "Beyond the Cleavage".

She mentioned that she is about to be 70. My Fella hollered at me from the kitchen, "Did you hear that?"

I did.

I told him she has had a lot (and I do mean a LOT) of plastic surgery (I think). He said, "Yeah, but I didn't think that any woman could look like that at seventy."

Well doesn't that just make my heart go pitty-pat.

Raquel Welch has always been a beautiful woman and she has made her living by being a beautiful woman. The money that she made being a beautiful woman ensured that she could continue being a beautiful woman.


So yes my Darling Fella, you were actually right. Not just any woman can look like that at seventy, only a select few. Or maybe just one... maybe it's only Raquel Welch that can "look like that."

Personally, I hate the taste of sour grapes.

Elves

They'll tempt you with cocoa flavored yumminess....



They'll tempt you with baked-in-a-tree yumminess...

*Have you ever wondered who came up with elves who bake in a tree to sell cookies?? Seriously, why a tree?

They'll tempt you to throw a shoe at the TV...

*"HERBIE DOESN'T LIKE TO MAKE TOYS! Herbie doesn't like to make toys! Herbie doesn't like to make toys. Herbie doesn't like to make toys. SHAME ON YOU!"


They'll tempt you to sing in public and pour syrup on your pasta...


They'll tempt you to... er .... well... *sigh*



And then there's Dobby.

He is happy to cook. He is happy to clean. He is happy with mismatched socks. What an elf!

Oh, were you here for weight loss inspiration? Um, OK here it is:

Resist temptation.

Love ya friends!

Kiss and tell...

What I look forward to the most after losing this weight, besides looking like Heidi Klum (yeah, that's right, I have goals) is the *ahem* 'skinny romance'.  Something about the way my confidence rises as I lose makes things hotter between my fella and I.  After almost twenty years of marriage, that may only amount to a slight increase in hotness  (like maybe a flimsy matchbook match or a lighter that's low on lighter fluid) but seriously, I'll take what I can get.

I mentioned that I had lost a CHUNK of weight back in 2007.  I had begun to slowly gain it back in 2008.  Then my fella did something life changing - he quit his job and started a small business.  Then, because he hadn't quite freaked me out enough, he moved the kids and I waaaay away from our friends and family to a community where we knew NO. ONE.  

I was not happy in the beginning.  I felt isolated, lonely, out of place, and homesick.  The slow gain that I had started became a steady gain.  By August of this year, I was close to fifty pounds overweight and teetering toward an all time non-pregnancy high of 200 pounds!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming my husband.  He certainly didn't force me to medicate with food.

I didn't stay miserable in our new community - at least not with the community itself.  I began to see how God had blessed my kids, how he had blessed our entire family, and I realized, "Hey!  I can be happy here!"  That's when it hit me; maybe I should quit punishing my husband by making him sleep with a fat chick. 

I am not saying for one moment that he hasn't been anything but loving and devoted to me.  But let's face it, when there is fat between you and your lover, that encompasses a lot more than just size.  There is a large amount of self confidence issues that come with obesity (or maybe it's only me that feels that way).  It can become like an emotional wedge inserted between two people, even if they love each other.  Baggage is baggage folks, whether it's physical or emotional (or both), and it just isn't good!


So as my weight decreases and my confidence increases, I tend to be more of a vixen (boy, doesn't my Southern Baptist self LOVE using that word) with my husband.  He doesn't mind a bit (bless his heart).  So yeah, that's just one more (fabulous) thing to motivate me!

BEFORE

As promised, embarrassing pictures of my bod...

These were taken September 1, 2010.  I weighed 193 pounds. 

I told myself on that first day that my goal was just to get into the clothes in my closet.  The largest size that I had purchased was 2X.  The largest number size was 16 W (W stands for women, not wide, contrary to what you may believe after looking at my backside).  My Misses size 16 clothes had started getting tight so I guess that means I was on my way into size 18.  Along with those big clothes were plenty of size 14 and XL clothing.  I wanted to get back into those, and out of the Big Momma garments.

I'm on my way.

Honestly, I have a good 30 pounds to lose at this point (my last weigh in was 184.2).  I didn't want to put a number or time goal on it.  I'm older and weight loss has changed for me.  More importantly, I want to do this right.

My size 16 britches are fitting comfortably if not a tad loose.  My attitude is positive and I really believe I can do this!! 

I'll post new photos at the beginning of October.  Let's hope the difference will be obvious!

Milestones

Today, the scale showed 184.  That is the exact weight that I was back in 2007 when I started my last truly significant weight loss.  Here I am, almost 10 pounds thinner than I was a few weeks ago and feeling confident, weighing what was shamefully high in 2007.  Granted, I'm not proud of how I look or what I weigh, but I feel good about my current success!

That is, right up until I realize I gained the entire 33 pounds back plus 14 more.   In three years, I have gained almost 50 pounds.  That's just so not good.


Well.  After that heavy confession, I need a little something cheerful...

It isn't cheerful exactly but it cracks me up :)

Pay the Piper you moron.

Today, I don't feel so cute about my binge yesterday.  I don't think its clever anymore that my body decided to cleanse itself, ensuring that I didn't have an "up moment" on the scale.  Today, I feel really stupid.

A cheat (with a timely bout of stomach issues) is not healthy and really, health... isn't it my ultimate goal?  If I don't have better health in mind, isn't this just another diet like all of the other diets that came before? 

What am I doing to myself?

The scale stayed the same.  If I had done a better job yesterday, it would have been down.  The cocktail smokies and cheese dip and potato chips and extra cereal and candy corn did NOT taste as good as seeing the scale dip would have felt.  I robbed myself of a success.  Not only that, I fed my family that crap and I need to make changes in that area as well.

Today is another day.  I plan to walk for 30 minutes again and feed my body much better food.  I also plan to do something productive that will give me a sense of success.  Better to combat this emotional Wack*A*Mole game with positivity.

OY!  Like everything else, I am doing this completely backward.  I also plan to give God the Glory today and seek Him.  Why is it I always put the most important thing last?  You know, just thinking about giving this to God makes me feel lighter of heart.  I think today will be a day of reevaluation.  I have a lot to think about.  

One good stomach flu away from weight loss.

How warped is it that I am glad I had a sick tummy today?

It is college football day at our house and we have watched a steady stream of ball games.  I made 'game day food' for my husband.  I haven't reached the point that I'm a good influence on my family - give me time - so it was cheese dip and BBQ sausage heaven (it's hell on the waist line).  I claimed that I wasn't going to eat any of the fattening finger food and darned if it didn't find its way RIGHT TO MY MOUTH.

So when I was sick to my stomach this evening?  YAY!  It may catch up to me later but tomorrow, the scale will have no power over me.

No, this is NOT healthy thinking... or is it?  I usually have issues with constipation during weight loss.  So even though I am not happy that I had a bad day nutritionally, I am thankful my body is working things out.

Oh yeah, I've blogged about poop....  SO glad I'm anonymous.

Now.

If you have to have Gummy Bears in your life, may I suggest these?

Soap!  What a great way to literally have a clean slate today and it's a nice way to live in peace with Gummy Bears.  You can find the soap HERE.

Have a wonderful weekend!

The daunting task of writing a first post on a new blog... yippee!

I have an established blog.  When I began trying to make changes with my health, it seemed that dieting was all I wanted to talk about.  It just didn't seem fair to subject my readers to the angst that I experience daily while trying to lose weight.  PLUS, I don't really want to share my actual weight or goal weight with people who know me. 

Soooo...

an anonymous weight loss blog seemed in order.  I'll add embarrassing photos and numbers soon.